War

I am realizing more and more that there is an all-out war going on. I'm posting this because we can't fight a battle that we don't know exists.

This war is being waged for the next generation--my generation. Our Enemy is doing his very best to make sure that we never see God's light. He's not taking it easy on us, starting before we are even born, before we have a chance to breathe. He succeeds at killing 3,000 unborn children in the US every single day.

If we are lucky enough to be born, he attacks us with poverty, disease, and slavery. If we make it through that, or if we are not exposed to it, he comes at us with depression, abuse, self-entitlement/"rights", the love of money, and complacency.

In short, Satan is doing everything in his power to keep youth from entering, and especially from advancing, God's kingdom. However, I have the feeling that there is a reason for his efforts. That reason is this: we are powerful. After all, who has the most potential? Unborn children. Who are the ones who will rebel and stand against him? Teenagers.

There is just one problem with his little plan: God. What Satan intends for harm, God uses for good. Satan is afraid of us because we are so strong. But when we stand through the trials and temptations that he throws at us in response to his fear, we become stronger. This is because God is not giving up on us. I believe that He is raising up a generation that is able to stand for Him even as the world draws to a close and collapses around us.

But we can't stand alone. We need people who are willing to teach us, trust us, and support us. We need to be taught how to cling to God no matter what; how to find ourselves and our role in Him. We need to be trusted with positions of leadership so that we know that we are capable, functioning members of the church, and that we are able to carry it onward into the next century. We need to be supported in this war we are in; to know that we are not facing it alone.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." ~Ephesians 6:10-13

"Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." ~Ephesians 6:19-20

"I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.

I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning.

I write to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one.

I write to you, dear children, because you have known the Father.

I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning.

I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God lives in you, and you have overcome the evil one." ~1 John 2:12-14

Chewing on Ears

I haven't been posting much lately, not because I haven't been learning anything, but because the things I'm learning are the sort of things that take longer to learn. There are some steps that God wants me to take in my life that get rid of some big habits of mine. The biggest one is that together God and I are trying to get rid of my cynical attitude and sense of humor. This includes the snide comments I make and the judgments that I make about people in my head. Unfortunately, I have made a habit of these things. However, to help me get rid of them, I think I'll post something that I wrote a few years ago. But first, I want to add some back story.

For a while, I dreamed about owning and running a dog training school, where we have dog-themed devotionals before each class. So I started stock-piling lessons that I have learned about being a Christian by observing my dogs. This is one of those lessons.

One night, my two dogs, Dixie and Mystery, were going through their regular bedtime routine. They had just been outside and were on the way to their kennels, where they sleep.
  Now, when given a command, Dixie is usually the first one of the two to obey it. When I call them in from the yard, Dixie comes running in the back door. But when she reaches it, she turns around and looks to see that Mystery is coming too. Then, as I keep calling Mystery in, Dixie runs back out and, being a shepherd, starts to chew on Mystery's ears and ankles while they run inside together. But she often throws Mystery off course before they reach me.
  On this particular night, my dad had told the dogs to go to bed, and Dixie rushed up the stairs, but waited at the top. She then proceeded to follow Mystery into the room, chewing on her ears the whole time. This made it so that Mystery made it into her kennel first. I turned to my mom and remarked that even though Mystery is usually slower at responding to commands, she is usually the first one to actually obey.
   Then I had the thought that that remark probably had some spiritual parallel/application. So I thought some more about it, and realized what it was.
  As Christians, we are usually fast to grow in one area of the faith or another. But sometimes when we're growing, we hinder our own growth and someone else's by judging them and trying to fix what we think they should improve on. That is kind of like when Dixie obeys me really quickly, but then turns back and starts shoving Mystery off course while trying to shepherd her towards me.
  Jesus talked about this problem, too. In Matthew 7:3-5 and in Luke 6:41-42, He rebukes people for trying to get a speck of dust out of their brothers' eyes, while all the time they had planks in their own. His point was, don't try to fix the sins that you perceive in your fellow Christians until you have repented for your own.
  Therefore, when we feel like giving advice to our brothers and sisters about how they can get further along the path they're on, especially if that advice wasn't asked for, we need to pray and ask God if that is his plan, or if we would just be hindering our fellow's progress like Dixie does.

Journey of Faith- A Word from God

Every couple of weeks, there's a prophet named Howard who visits my church with his wife. I have learned that every time he shows up, it is because God has a message for my church and wants him to give it. He usually gives it during worship, and I have discovered that God tells me it is about to happen a few moments in advance.

All this happened this past Sunday, the 5th. This time, however, God told me that the message was about to be told, and instructed me to get out my phone and record it. So I did.

Yesterday (Monday), I listened to the recording and wrote down what was spoken. It is very encouraging, so I wanted to share it with you all. Here it is:

The very existance, the very DNA of God is love. He has loved you with an everlasting love.
He will never let you go. As long as you trust in him he will surely bring you through this life's journey.
He says to you, "Be joyful as you take the journey through life. In good times; through difficulties and times of great joy and high places. And I am with you always no matter what you face. So take this journey in faith, knowing that the Lord your God is the author and finisher of your faith. And he will bring you through no matter what goes on in this world. You are a free people, you've been set free by the power, and the might, and the glory of God.
You're his children. You are different. The world hates you because it hated me. But be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. And I have given you faith to be persistent, and to keep your eye upon the destination as you journey through life. Be not discouraged or dismayed with the things, the dark things that will come upon this earth. For have I not said that they would happen, and I told you before they would happen so that you would know and prepare yourself.
So be not dismayed. The things that you see, and the things that will happen. But keep journeying on in faith, and love, and in kindness. And be kind one to another and love one another. And keep pressing toward the mark.
For I have overcome, and I have made you overcomers as you keep your eye on the great city that I have prepared for you. For it will be yours soon. And the worlds of this kingdom will become the Lord's. So rejoice! For the Lord is still in control over all things!" Amen, amen, amen (this is how Howard finishes all is prophecies).

Opened Eyes

This week I am participating in a dance camp put on by Celebration Ministry of Arts. The focus of the week is El Roi: The God Who Sees. The devotional is covering the story of Hagar, Sarah's Egyptian servant.

At one part of the story, Hagar is kicked out of Abraham's household and wanders the wilderness with her son, Ishmael. They run out of supplies, and so Hagar puts her son under a bush and walks away so that she doesn't have to see him die. But after a little while, an angel appears to her and says that he has heard the boy crying, and tells her not to be afraid because he will make Ishmael into a great nation.

After this, the Bible says that God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water.

When I was reading the story, I thought that part was interesting, but I didn't dive very deep into it. Then, during worship the next morning, we sang the song Open the Eyes of My Heart, and it reminded me of what I had read. Then I also remembered the story of Elisha, when he asks for his servant's eyes to be opened, and his servant saw the hills filled with horses and chariots of fire.

That got me curious about what other times the Bible talks about somebody's eyes being opened. So I looked it up. Here are the occurrences I found that used the words "eyes opened":
1. Verse: Genesis 3:7          Person: Adam and Eve            What they saw: Their shame
"Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves."
2. Verse: Genesis 21:19      Person: Hagar                          What she saw: a well in the wilderness
"Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink."
3. Verse: Numbers 22:31    Person: Balaam                        What he saw: An angel of wrath
"Then the Lord opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown."
4. Verse: 2 Kings 4:35        Person: the Shunammite's son  What he saw: Elisha, who raised him from death
"Elisha turned away and walked back and forth in the room and then got on the bed and stretched out upon him once more. The boy sneezed seven times and opened his eyes."
5. Verse: 2 Kings 6:17        Person: Elisha's servant            What he saw: Hills filled with horses and chariots of fire
"And Elisha prayed, 'O Lord, open his eyes so he may see.' Then the Lord opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha."
6. Verse: 2 Kings 6:20        Person: Aramean army             What they saw: They were in their enemy's capital city.
"After they entered the city, Elisha said, 'Lord, open the eyes of these men so they can see.' Then the Lord opened their eyes and they looked, and there they were, inside Samaria."
7. Verse: Mark 8:25            Person: Blind man                    What he saw: Jesus
"Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly
8. Verse: Luke 24:31          Person: Two disciples               What they saw: That the stranger on the road was Jesus.
"Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight."
9. Verse: Acts 9:40             Person: Tabitha                          What she saw: Peter, who raised her from death.
"Peter sent them all out of the room; then he got down on his knees and prayed. Turning toward the dead woman, he said, 'Tabitha, get up.' She opened her eyes, and seeing Peter she sat up."

These are the nine occurrences. Some of them were bad, some were good. Most of them were very different, so it may be hard to find a pattern.

The only pattern I could see was that each time someone's eyes were opened, their life was changed. When it happened to Adam and Eve, it changed the world. With Hagar, the Shunammite's son, and Tabitha, their lives were saved or given back to them. With Balaam and the Aramean army, they saw pending doom. With the two disciples, they saw the risen Savior for the first time. With Elisha's servant, he saw deliverance from his enemies. Finally, with the blind man, he saw Jesus. He was so excited that Jesus had to tell him to stay away from the village on his way home.

So the lesson here is that when God opens your eyes, your life is about to change dramatically.

Jesus Acid

This is another poem I wrote as dance homework. It tells a story that I tell in detail later on in the post. It's kind of long, but I think there's someone out there who needs to hear the whole story.


Jesus Acid

Let me tell you a story
One that is true
About a normal young girl
Like me and you

She lived as a slave
Though she didn't know
She was trapped in a cell
With an open door

Her cell was her guilt
About every-day things
She thought she was wrong
To dream certain dreams

She knew it was ordinary
For girls of her age
To think what she thought
But she still was a slave

You see, she held higher standards
For herself than for others
But she couldn't hold up
Under the yoke she was under

She knew all of this
And thought in her heart
I'll ask God for help
He'll give me new start

But here, too, she blundered
For she was so used to control
She thought she'd get help
But do the rest on her own

So she was trapped in her cell
Held fast by her chain
The door stood wide open
But she forced herself to stay

For years she fought hard
Against every temptation
But each system failed
Driving her to aggravation

At last! She let go
She prayed, "God I give up!
I don't know what's wrong
And I've emptied my cup

Please show me where I've strayed
I can't do this anymore
Tell me what needs to be fixed
So my joy is restored!"

And ever so kindly
He calmed her right down
He said, "Wait till tomorrow
At church you'll find out."

And boy, did she ever
For a prophetess spoke
And showed her the picture
Of her heavy yoke

She showed her the cell
She showed her the chain
God said, "It all can be gone
If you'll trust in my name

This chain holds you back
By you it can't be unfastened
What you really need
Is some Jesus acid

The acid breaks down the chain
By it you'll be free
And each drop is a thought
You've committed to me"

She didn't know what to think
Didn't want to give up
But she did let them go
Drop by drop

And as she did, she felt lighter
And not so condemned
As she found her best power
Was resting in God's hands

So now when she's tempted
Or weighed down by her guilt
She asks God for more acid
To break the new chain she built

This girl, she was a slave
But now she is free
And I know this story's true
Because that girl is me


I don't know if you caught the whole story, but basically I struggle with guilt a lot for two reasons. First, I hold high standards for my own behavior. Second, I sometimes believe the lie that I have to earn God's favor.

This poem is about a specific time when I struggled a lot with controlling my thoughts, especially towards boys. The more I tried to shut out inappropriate or sinful thoughts (or thoughts that I believed were wrong), the less successful I was. But I refused to surrender to God, basically because I didn't trust him. It felt like if I let go of control, there would be nothing stopping the sin from coming in. So I pretty much tried to live a godly life without God's help.

The part in the poem where I "thought I was wrong to dream certain dreams" points to a specific crush that I had during this time. Ever since I was twelve, my Mom had told me to avoid getting crushes because when you dream of being with someone, you are creating unrealistic expectations. Not only is it possible for you to never end up dating or marrying that person, and so set yourself up for a big disappointment; but even if you do end up with that person, your life together will never be what you pictured.

I still believe this to be wise advice. However, being the perfectionist that I am, I think I took it too far. Any time I felt anything positive towards any boy (even if it was just friendship), especially the object of my crush, this huge weight of guilt would come crashing down on me. Looking back, I realize that I was being accused, not disciplined. The difference being that that weight of guilt consisted of a reminder of all the times I had felt that good feeling before. God doesn't work like that, because love keeps no record of wrongs. I had already repented of those things many times, and I continued to repent every time it happened again. I just couldn't find a feeling of forgiveness.

So I continued on, feeling trapped. I didn't feel worthy of God's favor, and as I said earlier, I felt like I could only accept help from him; that he couldn't take care of my whole problem or that I was supposed to deal with most of it on my own. That was a lie.

This went on for about two years, getting progressively worse. I got to the point where I didn't like church. I still went, because I knew it was the right thing to do, but I almost hated it. Tasting the presence of God reminded me of my guilt. I couldn't hear his voice clearly, so I was second-guessing myself all the time. I thought I was "called" to do everything that came up. I couldn't get into worship because it felt like a performance. I couldn't stand sermons because they reminded me of yet another aspect of Christianity that I should be working on improving.

Take a good look. This is the look of a life that tries to be a Christian, but without surrendering to or trusting Christ. I am seriously surprised that I wasn't miserable all of the time, and I think that if it weren't for God's grace, I would have been. I started questioning whether or not I had the Holy Spirit, probably because I simply didn't trust myself to hear him. I was being so accosted with lies that I didn't trust any voice that I heard. I started feeling depressed. It wasn't bad, but it was miserable. I had trouble falling asleep, because I refused to let go of my conscious thought, which was the only thing keeping the sinful thoughts from entering.

I would come up with systems to keep the thoughts out. They were usually successful for a while, but none of them were able to last for more than a couple of days.

Saturday nights were especially bad, because I was reminded that I had to go to church the next morning. One of those nights, I was just fed up. I was sick and tired of doing it alone. (Well, I wasn't doing it alone exactly. I did a lot of talking with my Mom, and she helped me with wading through the lies that were in my head). So I prayed. I told God that I didn't know what was wrong, I was giving up on trying so hard. I told him that he'd better do something quick. I could feel myself sinking further, and I finally acknowledged that he was the only one who could stop me.

Just like the poem said, God calmed me right down. He poured his peace into my heart and just let me know that he was there. He said to pay attention in church the next morning, because someone would speak about me and tell me what to do. I think he knew how much I would second-guess myself if he spoke to me directly.

So when a prophetess from my church started speaking during worship the next day, I saw it coming and I listened. She said she could see someone in a prison cell who, no matter how much they struggled, couldn't escape. I knew she was talking about me. She said the cell door was open the whole time, but I couldn't leave because I had chained myself to the wall. I kept trying ad trying to leave the cell through the open door, but my chain held me back. She said that Jesus is someone who breaks chains and sets captives free. All I had to do was trust the Holy Spirit.

I sat there, and I felt like I'd been struck by lightning. That was all I had to do? Trust the Holy Spirit? It sounded like so little, but it felt like so much. I didn't know how. God showed me a way, though. Every time I felt one of those dreaded thoughts coming, instead of tensing up, I would relax. I would redirect the thought up to God's control. I would picture watching it pass by and go up a tube of light. And without fail, every time I pictured it and let it go, another picture would follow. I would see Jesus coming into my cell with a jar of acid, and I'd see him drop a drop on the chain. The chain would react by burning away and going up in smoke. Each thought I gave to God made the chain a little weaker. I tried the system for a few days, waiting for it to stop working, but it never did. I felt free for the first time in years. I had peace and joy again.

So why am I telling you this? Every so often while I've been writing I've hesitated to put in a detail or two. Those of you who know me, and knew me while this was going on (ages 15ish-17) will probably be surprised to hear about it. After all, all you could probably see was the sweet, responsible, girl who was always willing to be of service and always greeted people with a smile. You never knew about it for two reasons. First, I wasn't feeling like that all the time. It would mostly hit at bedtime. So I really was happy to help and happy to see you. Second, I don't like to feel vulnerable, which is also who I hesitated to put in a few of those details. Even my Mom, who became my confidante in all this, didn't know the whole picture. That was partially because I didn't see exactly what was happening until it was over, and partially because I didn't want to tell her.

I'm telling you this story hopefully to encourage you. Part of my encouragement to you is this: my story isn't over. What I mean is, I haven't reached my happy ending yet. I still struggle with guilt, with trusting God, and with control vs surrender. However, I now know that there is no condemnation for me, and that I can boldly approach the throne of grace. I have also built up a recognition of those lies that had me trapped for so long, much like the human body builds up immunity by remembering the diseases that has attacked it before. Hopefully, by reading my story and knowing what I've been through, you may find a way to trust God with what you deal with. You may also be fed the same lies I am, and only now recognize them for what they are. I don't know how it will help, but God tells me that it will. God knows exactly what each individual person is going through, even if that person doesn't. And if I have played a part in the healing or encouraging process by sharing my story, I will consider it all worthwhile, even the pain itself that I went through.

If you have questions or comments, you can leave them below or e-mail me, Facebook message me, or something like that. Sorry it was so long, I don't blame you if you didn't read it ;)

Scales of Surrender

This is a poem I wrote this spring for a dance class devotional time. By poem, I mean I threw together some lines that mostly rhyme and mostly stick to a set rhythm.


Scales of Surrender

At the alter of God
There sits a pair of scales
For measuring the balance of surrender

A child approaches
With a handful of dreams*
And stares at them wide-eyed with wonder

They look at the scales
They glance at their dreams
Wondering which one is better

They take one side
Deposite their dreams
But to the tray they are in they hold harder

The scales are tipping
Ever so slightly
Because of the weight of the dreams

The child is desperate
Holding so tightly
They watch as their offering gleams

Then a gentle touch
A soft, scarred hand
Finds the fingers that are free

It smoothly guides them
A little to the side
Where the other tray is empty

The child looks up
At this person's eyes
Their dreams momentarily forgotten

The other pulls out
His own free hand
That is holding a life of freedom

The freedom is placed
In the empty tray
That is sitting in the child's left hand

The child now holds
The scales of surrender
Whatever his choice, it will stand

Then the scales start tipping
As the child takes a peak
At the other man's life that is offered

Time seems suspended
In those fleeting moments
As the child's other hand starts to lift higher

Freedom is so pretty
Compared to his dreams
His clench on his tray starts to loosen

Then he finally lets go
Of the tray of dreams
And grabs the contents of the tray he has chosen

The other is emptied
And its contents are kept
In a special place to wait for use

And the scales of surrender
Once again sit
Ready for more bondage to loose

*It is optional to replace "dreams" with "needs" depending on what you need to hear :)
It is also optional to replace "he" with "she" etc.

Explain Yourself

Hey!
My name is Katie James. You may know me, you may not. As you may have noticed, I have another blog called 30 Days of Heartwork, Working. I really enjoyed the experience of 30 Days of Heartwork, especially the part where I decided to share what I learned from the experience with all of you.

Unfortunately, 30 Days of Heartwork only lasts for, you guessed it, 30 days. So it probably wouldn't make much sense for me to continue posting on that blog now that it's over. With that in mind, I have made a new blog: Sunset Room.

This first post has been purposed with explaining why I picked the name that I did. Have you ever seen one of those golden sunsets where the sunlight is just fighting its way through the clouds and lighting up every little water droplet it touches? I love those. They make me feel like I'm looking at a doorway to heaven. I can't see what's going on, but I can tell that it's an amazing place. So I decided to name my blog after that little glimpse of heaven that I only see in those golden sunsets.

I'll be using this blog for my random babblings, but hopefully all my posts will have a purpose, and that is to encourage myself and others in our walk as Christians.

If you are not a Christian, you are still very welcome to read and enjoy. I plan to post some songs, poems, or just experiences that teach me something.

If anybody wants questions answered or other explanations, you can comment on the individual post you have a question about. However, if you have general questions that don't really fit on any specific post, you can feel free to post them here.

I hope you enjoy your journey up the mountains and into my Sunset Room! God bless!
Katie